


I wish the sea would wash you away (then bring you back to me)

by kusuriuri



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Marriage isn't all sunshine and rainbows, Old Married Couple, Realistic Love, Voyeurism, getting old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-25 12:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6194938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusuriuri/pseuds/kusuriuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Former-dancer Levi and his husband Erwin, a successful writer, have been married for 14 years. Their marriage is slipping through their fingers - barely even on speaking terms - and they drive to a hotel on the sea coast of Germany for Erwin to write his book. They meet young newlyweds and an old bar-owner, who unwittingly help Erwin and Levi grow close again, and they slowly start to rekindle their broken relationship.</p><p>Or; Erwin is a drunk writer, Levi is touch-starved and self-loathing, and the couple next door remind them of their younger selves when they have sex. So the dumb old men get off to it, and fix their marriage in the process.</p><p>Based on the film By The Sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I wish the sea would wash you away (then bring you back to me)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for some realistic shit. A couple that has been married for 14 years is not going to be all rainbows and roses. They fight and they hurt one another, and although they love each other, sometimes they hate each other more. That's how love is in real life.
> 
> Dialogue in italics means it is spoken in German.

They drive along the sea coast. Erwin has wound the top of their convertible down; expensive sunglasses perched upon their noses and wind whipping through their hair wildly. Levi stares out at the ocean, at the rocky coastline, and breathes in the salty air. Erwin is driving one-handed, putting a cigarette between his lips before jabbing at the car's lighter. It's not working for him, and he tuts and rifles through the glove box noisily for a spare one.

Levi clenches his jaw, eyeing his husband's hand in front of him silently, _in his personal space_ , and he wants to tell him to _stop it, fuck off_. He just wants to relax, not have his peace ruined by the sound of Erwin rifling through his _shit_. He is being petty, he knows. But it is the little things that bother him the most.

 

 

 

Erwin parks their car, and they step out onto the sandy cobblestone walkway leading up to the hotel. Levi gets out, closing the car door behind him and wrinkles his nose, and the first thing he says to his husband after hours of silence is, "It smells like fucking fish."

Erwin looks over at him as he locks their car, but doesn't say anything. Just watches and follows slowly as Levi leads them up the walkway without a look in Erwin's direction. He eyes Levi up and down from behind his sunglasses. The wine-red dress-shirt, vest and shined shoes - so vain, as always - unlike the simple white fleece that Erwin is wearing. He looks utterly out of place on the beach.

"Might want to dress lighter, my darling," he says to Levi, tone light, but there is a hardness behind it. It is the little things that bother him the most.

 

 

 

They arrive at the top of the hill - a small cafe and bar - and Erwin smiles at the older man behind the counter, wiping glasses. _"Guten Tag. Are you open?"_

_"Yes, we are."_

_"Wonderful. We'd love a drink,"_ Erwin smiles warmly, but Levi is silent as he stares out the window. He doesn't understand why Levi has to be so rude.

 _"What would you like?"_ the old man asks.

 _"A whiskey, please. And..."_ he pauses, but Levi doesn't say anything, so he orders in his place, knowing what he likes. _"A white wine for my husband."_ Levi doesn't protest, doesn't even look at him; so Erwin just smiles politely at the old man in front of them.

The man nods and begins to prepare their drinks, and Erwin holds his sunglasses away from his face as he looks behind him. _"Beautiful view from here."_

_"Oh, yes. What brings you here?"_

_"Oh, we just... wanted to get away from it all."_

_"Don't we all. This is a good place for that,"_ the old man says.

 _"My name is Erwin. And my husband Levi,"_ he gestures towards the smaller man, who is still staring out the window.

 _"Just call me Pixis,"_ he sets their glasses in front of them.

Levi says in German, _pleasure to meet you_ , in a voice like a whisper, finally looking up at Pixis curtly, and Erwin watches him tip his wine glass back, finishing it in one go. He brings his own glass to his lips, the taste of whiskey sharp down his throat, and the burn reminds him of Levi.

 

 

 

They drive to their suite - a beautifully furnished room by the coastline, with a balcony and bed that would probably fit four. The pillars are marble, tables dark mahogany, and the plush chairs sink beneath their weight.

Levi throws his sunglasses onto the table near the door, and they clatter noisily, landing face-down.

They rearrange the room so that Erwin's writing desk faces the balcony; so his view while he writes will be the open ocean. Erwin stands with his hands on his waist, and smiles softly at the sea.

"What is that _fucking_ sound."

Erwin looks over to his small husband, smile dropping as he says, "It's the sea, Levi."

Levi just scoffs, taking out Erwin's typewriter from their luggage and setting it up on the table, papers and pens all lined up neatly for his husband's work. Erwin goes over to the table by the door, removing his watch, before turning Levi's sunglasses over so they are facing up.

 

 

 

Erwin starts work right away, a glass of brandy on the rocks beside him as he types away at his typewriter. He removes the paper, running his eyes over the text - unsatisfied - and scrunches it up. He lights a cigarette, breathing in deeply and staring out at the ocean in front of him.

Levi eyes the back of Erwin's head from his position on the couch, novel in hand, and watches the smoke from his husband's cigarette rise lazily. He wrinkles his nose, but says nothing, flipping another page of his novel.

 

 

 

It is morning and Levi lies in bed, gazing boredly at the scenery in front of him. He looks over at Erwin - already dressed and putting on his watch.

"Morning," he says curtly, and Erwin looks over to him.

"Good morning. I tried not to wake you; you were sleeping so peacefully."

"I don't sleep peacefully. You know that," Levi states, and Erwin just smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "What, are you off to find... inspiration, or whatever?"

"I have my inspiration," Erwin smiles, gesturing towards Levi in the bed, but Levi doesn't return the smile.

"Then why the fuck are we _here_."

Erwin pauses, tucking his shirt into his pants and picking his notebook up from his desk. "Don't be nasty, darling." Levi's expression doesn't change. "If you'd like, I can come back early for dinner."

Levi shrugs, so Erwin goes over to the table by the door, picking up his sunglasses. "Have a good day, baby," he calls.

Levi's tone is light when he calls back, "I won't," as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I know. I love you," Erwin says, but doesn't wait for the silence Levi gives him in return.

 _I love you, too,_ Levi wants to say, but instead he whispers, "I know," to the empty room, long after Erwin has left.

 

 

 

Levi watches a fisherman from the balcony, rowing out towards the open ocean, and stretches his body across the floor like a cat. He is bored, and tired, and his back arches against the floorboards. He stretches his neck, turning towards the wall, and notices something that makes him sit up.

There is a hole in the wall, large enough to peek through, and when he does, Levi sees the furnished room next door.

He leans his back against the wall with a _thud._

 

 

 

Erwin sits across from Pixis at the bar, doors open onto the cool sea breeze. _"Your house is nearby?"_

 _"Yes, just around there,"_ Pixis gestures with his hand.

Erwin smiles, _"With your wife?"_

 _"No, my wife passed away a year ago."_ He shifts his leg on the bar stool, and Erwin breathes in, fingers on the rim of his glass.

_"I'm terribly sorry."_

Pixis shakes his head, _"She was in a lot of pain."_ Erwin nods understandingly. " _If you love someone, you want more for them than you want for yourself. You understand this?"_ He looks to Erwin, his aging face crinkling, _"I wanted her to resist. To stay with me. But it was for myself. For her sake, I wanted her to go. So I was relieved when she passed. She found peace."_

Erwin looks down at his beer glass, sliding his fingertips around the rim. _"And what about you?"_

Pixis smiles softly at him, _"I am in pain. Every day, I miss her. That is life."_

Erwin smiles at the older man, _"Yes, it is."_

A comfortable silence. _"Where is your husband?"_ Pixis asks, and Erwin shifts on his bar stool.

_"The hotel. He's tired. It was a long trip."_

_"How long have you been married?"_

Erwin smiles, _"Fourteen years."_

Pixis throws his head back, skin crinkling around his smile and says, _"Just the beginning, then."_ Erwin chuckles at the thought, and Pixis continues, _"He seems like... a nice man."_

Erwin almost laughs out loud at the notion, smiling strainedly, _"You are very kind."_ He taps his fingers on his glass, eyes on the wine bottles lined up behind the counter, _"He's... not always nice. In fact, he can seem quite rude, sometimes."_ He swivels in his stool, facing the ocean laid out before him, _"But, he actually is quite lovely."_ Erwin thinks of the way Levi's skin feels beneath his fingertips, the way his eyes shine when he smiles, and murmurs softly, _"He's very lovely."_

Pixis smiles wordlessly, an understanding in his eyes, and gets up from his stool to round the counter to the other side. _"Would you like another beer?"_

_"Yes. May I buy you one as well?"_

_"Yes, yes."_

 

 

 

Levi comes out of the shower that evening, and asks Erwin how his day was. He tells Levi about Pixis, about what a sweet old man he is. He is drunk and slurring, and he is still in his clothes when he falls asleep right there on top of the covers, mumbling _I love you_ into his pillow.

Levi gets in bed, taking the cigarette from his husband's limp fingers and putting it in the ashtray, before rolling over to face the other way.

 

 

 

The next day while Erwin goes down to the bar, writing notes in his notebook, Levi sits in their bed, and cries quietly.

When Erwin comes back to their room that evening, Levi is already asleep, and he turns Levi's sunglasses over, so they are the right side up.

 

 

 

It is morning and Levi watches the same fisherman rowing out to sea from the balcony.

"Go for a walk today. It might be good for you," Erwin tucks his shirt into his pants as he speaks.

"Don't have a drink today. It might be good for you," Levi mimics, tone monotonous.

Erwin stops what he is doing, something helpless in his eyes, "...We could be happy, you know. You resist happiness."

Levi stands up, stomping over to the blond, "Don't quote some fucking book in an attempt to analyze my life, Erwin." He fixes the blond's shirt angrily.

"Don't you resist happiness?"

"Are you trying to illustrate your shitty point by making me unhappy?"

Erwin just stares, until Levi finishes with his shirt, hands dropping to his sides. "You're a good man, Levi. A good husband."

Levi is silent, fists clenched at his sides. _I'm not. I'm a shitty husband. A shitty human. I act like I fucking hate you because I fucking hate myself._ But all he says is, "Try and write something today."

Erwin goes in for a kiss, but Levi turns away from him, so he kisses him on the cheek instead.

 

 

 

Levi does go for a walk. He treads along the coastline, and stares at the water lapping at the rocks. It is dark when he finally makes his way back, and watches a young male couple carry their luggage into the hotel.

It is later that night as he reads alone in bed, when he hears a deep moan from the room next door. He rests his novel on his stomach and closes his eyes, listening.

 

 

 

The next morning Erwin eyes the empty pill case next to the sink.

"Levi? Darling?" He comes out of the bathroom, and looks at his husband sitting up in bed. "Did you have a tough night?"

Levi says nothing, not even looking at him.

"Right." Erwin turns around, to the table lined with bottles of alcohol, and pours himself a drink. He can't remember them having a proper conversation about anything in weeks, let alone remember the last time they had sex. "Why won't you just _talk_ to me, Levi?"

Levi is silent as Erwin downs his glass, slamming it back down on the table.

 

 

 

Erwin sits at the bar, snuffing out his cigarette roughly and knocking his glass onto the floor in the process. "Shit. Ah, sorry," he slurs drunkenly in English, wiping the table with a rag. "I got it. Don't worry."

Pixis comes over to him, speaking gently, _"It's okay. Don't you want to go home now?"_

"What?" Then switches to German, _"Are you telling me when to go home?"_ He is swaying drunkenly as he stands, and Pixis sighs.

_"I am trying to help you."_

_"Yes, yes, I know. I can walk home. Fine. I can walk home myself. I am a man."_ He is babbling and drunk, and Pixis looks exasperated, just nodding while Erwin swipes him.

_"I can fuck my husband myself. I don't need your fucking help."_

Pixis scoffs, leading him forcefully out of the bar and Erwin swears at him roughly in English, tripping over his feet.

 

 

 

It is late morning and Levi sits on the balcony, bathing in the sun.

 _"Guten Tag,"_ a voice comes from the balcony next door. A young man stands there shirtless, a key on a string around his neck as he smokes, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes are very green, his skin inked and hair an attractive mess. Levi misses being that young.

 _"...Guten Tag,"_ he eyes him from behind his expensive sunglasses.

 _"Eren,"_ the young man introduces himself, taking a drag of his cigarette.

 _"Levi,"_ he replies.

_"Beautiful day, huh."_

Levi just hums in reply.

 _"Where are you from?"_ the young man asks.

_"London."_

"Ah. You're British," he switches to English, with only a slight German accent. "We talked about having our honeymoon in England, my husband and I. We just got married," he grins, and his eyes look so green when he does that, Levi thinks.

"That sounds nice," Levi says, but his voice sounds bored. He can't remember what it is like to be just married. He wishes he were still as young as Eren; still dancing professionally and having sex with Erwin every day. He doesn't even remember the last time Erwin and he touched each other in that way.

Eren looks out at the ocean, throwing his cigarette over the rails of his balcony. "Have a nice day, Levi," he says, heading back inside, and Levi watches him go.

 

 

 

Erwin sits in the cafe, verandah open onto the beach, and watches a young couple come in, holding hands. They're both male, and they remind him of himself and Levi when they were young, when they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

He looks back down at his notes, tapping the ash off his cigarette. Pixis approaches him, sitting down at his table with a cup of tea in hand, and asks, _"How is your hangover?"_

Erwin blinks at him, guilt sinking in his gut at the thought of the night before, and says, _"It's fine, thank you."_ Pixis nods, tapping a cigarette out of a carton and Erwin straightens in his seat, saying genuinely, _"I'm truly sorry."_

Pixis waves his hand in the air, as if the very thought of apologizing is ridiculous to him, and lights his cigarette.

 _"...Used to be so nice, you know,"_ Erwin says before he can stop himself, and his eyes drift over to the young couple at their table - laughing about something as their legs touch.

 _"I understand,"_ Pixis says.

 _"We had such a life... I was a good writer. And he... when he took the stage..."_ Erwin looks out at the beach wistfully, _"He was happy."_ He sighs, tapping his cigarette into the ashtray. _"Some couples have children. Some couples live for each other. And some of us..."_ he exhales deeply, _"I'm not sure what we have. What we've become."_

Pixis is listening to him, blowing smoke out of his mouth, _"Can I give you some advice?"_ Erwin nods. " _Love him."_

 _"Hah."_ Erwin leans back in his seat, taking a drag of his cigarette, _"He's not so easy to love."_

Pixis laughs, _"You think you are?"_

 _"No."_ Erwin is smiling, and he gestures vaguely down at himself, _"I'm an asshole."_

_"Sounds like you deserve each other."_

Erwin blinks, and smiles like he's just seen something beautiful. _"That we do."_

 

 

 

Levi is sunbathing out on the balcony again when Erwin comes back.

"You're back early," Levi monotones, sitting up slowly.

"I missed you," Erwin says honestly, pulling a chair up next to his husband.

"Don't be fucking stupid," Levi doesn't even look at him. "Drink?"

Erwin gazes at Levi, something sad and longing in his eyes, and says softly, "Sure."

Levi pours a glass of wine, handing it to his husband and asks, "Have you seen them?"

Erwin takes a sip, "Who?"

"The neighbors."

Erwin thinks, remembering the young men he had seen at the cafe. "The couple?"

"Mm." Levi is staring at him like he is waiting for something, and the blond frowns.

"What?"

"...Nothing," Levi shakes his head a bit, but still looks as if there is something he hasn't said.

Erwin decides it can't be too important. "Anyway, I was getting bored. Restless. It isn't this place at fault; it's me. Any good writer could get a story here." Levi listens as he says softly, "It's just me at fault."

They sit out there on the balcony together until dark, drinking wine in comfortable silence, and Levi watches the fisherman row back into the bay, empty net as usual.

 

 

 

It is morning and Levi is brushing his teeth, as Erwin gets ready to leave.

"I'm blowing you a kiss!" Erwin calls across to the bathroom, but his hands are full so it's really a lie.

"I'm blowing you one back," Levi calls around his toothbrush, but he's not really doing it either.

 

 

 

It is late morning and Levi pauses, hesitating, before inching forward and kneeling down to peek through the hole in the wall.

He can see the bed in the next room, can see two sets of naked legs curled around each other, and he watches them for a long time.

 

 

 

Levi is asleep already when Erwin comes back to their room. He is sleeping sitting up, back against the headboard and head lulling to the side uncomfortably.

Erwin gazes at him longingly as he unbuttons his shirt, getting ready to settle in for the night.

 

 

 

Erwin plays chess with Pixis in the noisy cafe the next day, conversing with him about things of all kinds.

Meanwhile, Levi sits on the balcony of their room all day, smoking Erwin's cigarettes and watching the fisherman come back empty-handed today, too.

From the balcony he sees the lights come on in the room next door, and he looks up at it, snubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray.

He moves the table from in front of the hole in the wall, and peeks through silently.

He sees the young couple next door walking around in their boxers, and they converse in German, completely unaware of the set of eyes watching them.

_"Would you put your fucking clothes away for once, Eren?"_

_"It's a hotel, though, babe."_

He watches them brush their teeth and get in bed, bare skin pressing against each other. Levi tries to remember the last time he and Erwin slept like that, and looks away.

 

 

 

Levi sits on the balcony the next day, reading his novel. The neighbour comes out onto his balcony - Jean this time, not Eren - holding a mug of something between his fingers. He eventually notices Levi, jumping a bit and looking over to him through his large glasses. "Oh. G'morning." His English is rougher, more accented than Eren's.

"Hi," Levi says.

"...Did you see that fisherman this morning?"

"Yeah."

 _You were spying on this kid yesterday,_ his mind tells him. _You watched him and the other one walk around their room half-naked, and you liked it._ He looks quickly back at his novel.

"Oh. Eren is visiting a friend today. Do you... want to do something?"

"...With you?" Levi asks incredulously. Jean is young. Handsome. He looks happy. Levi feels jealousy and longing in his chest, and says, "...Like what?"

Jean shrugs casually, "I don't know, we can... _Kartenspiele_. How do you say..." he bites his lip as he tries to remember the words in English.

"I don't know how to play cards," Levi translates for him.

"I will teach you," Jean smiles, and Levi says okay, wishing he could smile like that. Maybe he did, when he and Erwin were younger, but he can't remember.

 

 

 

Levi stares at the young man in front of him as Jean teaches him a card game. For some reason, they decide to play right there on the balcony, simply sitting and looking at each other over the railing, throwing cards across to each other.

Levi stares at the piercings in Jean's ears, noticing how nice his skin is. He is so young, more than ten years younger than him and Erwin. No crow's feet, like Levi has. No wrinkles. Both he and Eren are pretty. They are young, and pure. Everything Levi is not. Why would Erwin ever love someone filthy like Levi - _who destroys everything good, whose words are laced with hate, who is now too old to do the only thing he was ever good at_ \- when there are such young and beautiful people in this world.

 

 

 

Erwin comes home a few hours later, onto the balcony to find Levi, and he is surprised to see the young man from next door across from his husband. Levi looks up at him, eyes alight with something as he greets him. Jean introduces himself, and Erwin does the same back.

"Do you want a drink?" Levi asks, already pouring him one.

"Sure."

Erwin sits on one of the chairs on the balcony, eyeing his husband out of the corner of his eye as he sips from his glass tensely. Levi laughs - a sound Erwin hasn't heard in so long - and he watches Levi throw his cards through the railings at the young man grinning next door.

He is good-looking, Erwin thinks as he eyes Jean, and he suddenly feels very old and inadequate, as he listens to the young man making his husband laugh.

 

 

 

It is five in the morning and Levi shakes Erwin roughly.

"Wake up. Wake the _fuck_ up."

"Wh.. wha.." Erwin opens his eyes blearily, blond hair sticking to his forehead.

"Do you want to fuck them. The boys next door. You want to fuck them, don't you."

Erwin opens his mouth, eyes squinting through the blur of sleep, "Honey, what are you _doing_."

Levi raises his voice, "Don't pretend you don't what I'm talking about!"

"I _don't_ know what you're talking about." Erwin pushes the smaller man off him, rolling out of bed. His head is pounding from the hangover and he can't handle Levi's _shit_ right now. "Jesus, Levi."

" _Where are you going_." Levi's voice shakes.

"I was going to take a piss, if that's all right with you." Erwin's tone is fed-up, _it's too early for this_ , and he urinates into the toilet bowl loudly. He comes back out into the bedroom, swaying.

Levi is still in the same position where he left him, a tiny figure on the spacious covers, eyes fierce. "Do. You want. To _fuck_ them."

Erwin rakes his hands through his messy hair, rubbing his face, " _Christ_ , Levi. _No!_ "

Levi doesn't even hear him, stating, "You do."

"Honey, why are you doing this." Erwin sits down at the table, his tone desperate, "Why are you trying to put that in my head. So you can be the victim?" He's yelling now, "Being the husband of a failed writer is not good enough for you?! You need another reason to destroy yourself?!"

Levi's lip quivers, hate in his eyes as he spits, "You would have to _try_ and _fail_ to be a failed writer, and you're _nothing_. You're just a fucking _drunk_."

There is a pause. And then Erwin is on his feet, saying lowly, "Fuck you, Levi."

Levi knows he means it; Erwin never swears unless he really means it. Not like Levi, whose every second word is filth (filth like _Levi_ ).

Erwin's tone is bitter, "When I get back, I hope you're passed out as usual so I don't have to listen to your voice."

The door slams loudly behind him and Levi whimpers, lying down on the bed and sobbing into his pillow.

 

 

 

Erwin tries to sleep on a bench near the harbor, but the wood is digging into his back uncomfortably, so he gives up. He walks over to Pixis' bar and knocks on the closed doors, until the older man comes over and opens them for him.

Pixis doesn't question why Erwin is there so early, why he looks like he hasn't shaved yet that morning. Instead he just says, " _Guten Morgen_ ," and Erwin replies with the same.

 

 

 

During the breakfast rush, Erwin sits alone at his table and eats, blond hair sticking out in all directions and stubble on his chin. He sees the new couple enter the cafe - Jean with an arm around Eren's waist - and exhales loudly in annoyance at the sight of them before he can stop himself.

He gets drunk during the day and climbs the coastline for no particular reason, and eventually comes back to their room when it's dark.

Levi is awake and sitting in one of the plush chairs, a glass of wine beside him, and he looks up at Erwin when he comes in.

The blond stumbles over to the bathroom and kneels on the ground, retching loudly into the toilet.

Levi breathes out through his nose in annoyance, sipping on his wine, then relocates over to the bed.

Erwin is undressing himself messily, and Levi takes another sip of his wine before putting it on the table beside him. The blond is wearing nothing but his underwear when he falls onto his side of the bed, rolling onto his back.

Levi can see Erwin looking at him out of the corner of his eye, but refuses to turn his head, jaw clenching tensely. The blond reaches over to him drunkenly, slurring, "Com'on, baby."

Levi slaps his hand away, but Erwin tries again; trying to touch him and climb on top of him and push his clothes up his hips. He scrunches up his face at the strong stench of alcohol, disgusted. They often had drunken sex, but Levi is not in the mood, hasn't been for a long time, doesn't want Erwin to _touch_ him.

" _Stop it_ ," Levi says, pushing at him and leaning away, but Erwin is stronger and leans in to kiss him. Levi gags loudly, whimpering into the press of lips and he kicks at the blond weakly. The kiss lasts a few seconds, and he is finally able to shove him away - Erwin snorting with laughter - and Levi snatches at his wine, washing his mouth out desperately before spitting it out right onto the floor of their room. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, gritting his teeth in anger, before turning back to his husband and kicking him hard in the thigh.

Erwin laughs drunkenly into his pillow, but Levi feels such muted rage, and just kicks him again, jabbing him over and over with his small foot. Erwin grabs his ankle, slurring _stop it Levi_ , but Levi just leans over and hits him with his hands instead, slapping him again and again on the back.

He feels dirty, nauseated, furious all at once, and Erwin whines _owww_ as he laughs. Levi rips his ankle out of Erwin's grip, pushing himself off the bed roughly. " _You make me sick_ ," he hisses, storming over to the bathroom, and Erwin just settles back into his pillow.

 

 

 

The next day as Levi sits on the balcony in the sun, he watches the young neighbors swimming. The bay is right outside the hotel and widens into the open ocean, lined with a rocky shelf.

They are laughing loudly and chattering in German, and Levi watches as they splash and kick at each other, back-flipping into the water from the rocks above. They are so young; so high on life, and on each other.

They swim lazily around each other, and Levi sees Eren slicking his hair back with water, when Jean just grabs him by the arm and kisses him. Levi watches as Eren freezes, then wraps his arms around Jean's neck, and they just stand there in the water, kissing while they think no one is watching. Eren slides his hands through Jean's hair and down his wet neck, the rope bracelet on his wrist dripping, and Levi's chest feels tight, averting his eyes quickly.

Erwin comes back to the room later with a bottle of the wine that Levi prefers, and they drink it there together on the balcony in silence. It is a peace offering, and Levi accepts it, but no apologies are made.

Levi eyes the blond tapping his cigarette out onto the ashtray, and wonders if the neighbours are having sex right now, in the room just next door, only a thin wall separating them.

When Erwin leans over in his chair and kisses his temple softly, Levi lets him, and closes his eyes.

 

 

 

Erwin steps into the bathroom while Levi is showering. He is naked as he opens the curtain on Levi, who jumps and swears at him in surprise.

"Fuck, what are you doing," Levi says, and his voice shakes.

"I'm going to take a shower with my husband," Erwin states softly, and steps forward.

"No." Levi pushes him away, preventing the blond from getting in with him.

"Enough, Levi." Erwin's voice is soft as he puts his hands on Levi's shoulders, but Levi looks desperate, shaking him off.

_"No."_

"Stop." He rubs Levi's skin, "It's okay. You have to stop this."

"No. I can't," he has his arms up in front of him, curling away from Erwin.

_Don't look at me. I'm old. I'm ugly. Don't look._

"It's alright, Levi..." Erwin holds him there, trying to embrace him.

"I can't, Erwin, please," he's shoving now, using his legs and feet to kick at the blond, and Erwin just snaps.

He shakes Levi back and forth roughly, "Stop. Stop this. Stop! Just stop!" Levi looks so incredibly small as he stares up at Erwin with dark, wide eyes. "I'm your husband, Levi!"

But Levi is so pale, so fragile in his hands, and he's looking at Erwin with such helplessness as he whispers,"I can't." He pulls himself roughly away from Erwin, wrapping himself in a towel and retreating quickly from the room, wet feet padding against the tiles.

"At some point, you've got to stop acting like this!" Erwin yells, but the rejection stings; _why won't you let me love you._

Erwin showers alone.

 

 

 

 _"Another, please,"_ Erwin says to Pixis, gesturing roughly down to his empty glass.

 _"Usually I would never ask why one would want gin for breakfast... but today I will make an exception,"_ Pixis leans over the counter, face gentle.

Erwin laughs humorlessly, _"I just want to get drunk for breakfast, that's all."_

_"You don't want buttered toast with your gin?"_

Erwin sighs, nodding and just saying, _"Danke."_

 

 

 

He comes back early to an empty room. He calls Levi's name as he searches for the smaller man, but no one is there to reply.

The sun goes down and Erwin is still waiting, drink in one hand and cigarette in the other. He hears a muffled laugh from behind him, through the wall, and notices a ray of light coming from between the legs of a table. He leans down, discovering a small hole.

Erwin moves the table and peers through, and sees the young couple from the next room conversing to each other in German in intimate whispers.

 _"Fuck, you're smoking a lot today,"_ Jean says, naked except for a pair of boxers, and Eren's hand gropes his ass playfully. Jean straddles him, and they whisper something far too quiet for Erwin to hear.

 

 

 

Erwin is sprawled out on the spacious bed when Levi finally comes back. He's soaked from head to toe, clothes sticking to his skin wetly, and Erwin sits up abruptly.

Levi approaches the bed in slow, wet footsteps, and Erwin's heart aches in his chest as he murmurs, "Levi, you're smiling."

Levi breathes in shakily, voice a hushed tone, "Now my outsides match my insides."

Erwin stands up, walking towards his small husband. Levi is sniffling and flinches slightly as Erwin slowly puts his arms around him, but he doesn't pull away.

_I hate you. I love you. I'm tearing you apart._

Levi leans into the embrace, his own arms coming up and wrapping around the blond, and he lets out the most heart-wrenching sob. Erwin feels a lump in his throat as he squeezes Levi against his chest, whispering _oh, my darling_ as he strokes his wet hair. He lets Levi sob into his shirt, and the tears soak into the fabric, soak into his heart.

 

 

 

They sleep pressed up against each other, limbs tangled and noses touching, for the first time in months.

 

 

 

Erwin wakes up to cold sheets, and feels a hollow ache at the sight of the empty bed beside him. But Levi comes through the door a second later, dressed and holding shopping bags in his arms.

"...Good morning," Erwin says, trying to hide the pleasant surprise in his voice, and he rests his head on his hand. Levi turns to him, and when their eyes meet, all Erwin can think is how breathtaking Levi is.

"We were out of coffee," Levi explains simply, turning away, but Erwin knows that Levi doesn't drink coffee. He feels a warmth blossom in his chest, because Levi has gone out for him, and it's not really a big deal at all. It's just coffee. But it means everything to him.

Erwin gazes at the smaller man from his place on the bed, at him unpacking groceries methodically, and Levi turns around again, a delicate eyebrow raised.

"Why are you staring at me like that."

"Just looking," Erwin replies softly, blue eyes deep, and Levi doesn't say anything in return; just gazes right back into him.

 

 

 

Levi watches the fisherman rowing out to sea as usual, and hears the strumming of a guitar coming from the room next door.

He peeks through the hole in the wall - his little secret - and watches a shirtless Eren strum a guitar as Jean smokes. They're laughing about something, and Jean swats at Eren when he leans the guitar against their bed.

Jean sits on the edge, half-naked and smoke rising from his cigarette, and Eren leans over him, taking the cigarette from him and kissing him; pushing him down onto the bedspread.

 _"I thought it was my turn to top,"_ Jean complains in German, but his legs are already wrapping around Eren's waist.

Levi is on all fours as he watches Eren slide Jean's boxers down his hips, throwing them behind him and pressing himself in-between his legs. He watches Eren pull himself out of his pants, watches Jean's back arch as he is entered. He watches the thrusts of Eren's hips, the curling of Jean's toes. He listens to their panting and to Jean moan.

Levi closes his eyes, leaning back against the wall, chest heaving.

 

 

 

It is evening, and Levi leans against the railing of his balcony next to an ashtray. Eren comes out onto his, shirtless except for that necklace again, and smoking a cigarette. His belly-button is pierced, Levi notices. So young, with eyes so green.

 _"Hallo,"_ Eren says in simple German, and Levi nods in greeting.

Levi remembers the way the young man looked while having sex, but just says, "Your husband said you went on a trip."

Eren shrugs, "Yeah, it was okay. I grew up in a place like this, so I prefer it here."

Levi hums in acknowledgement, looking down at his toes.

He thinks of the movements of Eren's hips. He thinks of the times so long ago when Erwin fucked him like that, to make his back arch the way Jean's had, and curls his toes into the floor.

They chat for a little while longer, before Levi says _have a good night_ , and heads back inside. He is surprised to find Erwin seated at the table, waiting for him.

"Hey," he says, surprised, and Erwin greets him back.

"I thought I'd bring dinner home tonight," Erwin says, but he is looking at Levi like he wants to say something else.

"I'll get some plates," Levi replies, not meeting his eyes. He takes plates from the cupboard, and sets them down in front of them, serving their food, and he feels Erwin's gaze on him.

"Levi."

He doesn't look up, "Hm?"

"Are we okay?"

Levi freezes for a moment, caught off-guard, but he recovers quickly. He pushes Erwin's full plate over to him and picks up his own fork. Erwin waits for him to answer, staring into him, and Levi looks down at his own hands, at the wedding band on his finger.

"We are the same we've been for a long fucking time, Erwin."

He brings his food to his mouth, beginning to eat, and he sees Erwin nod slowly, sees him lean forwards in his seat. Erwin pours two glasses of wine, and Levi chews, ignoring the blue eyes focused on him.

 

 

 

Erwin sits in the cafe, smiling as he watches Pixis laughing away in German to a friend.

At the same time, Levi peeks through the hole in the wall, and watches the young men in the next room over.

 _"Have you talked much to that couple next door?"_ Jean says in quiet German, their bare legs spread across their sheets, and he sits up to reach the snacks they have laid out at the foot of their bed. He grabs a handful of chips, eating them out of his hand as he speaks to Eren, _"They're... I mean, they're nice. Just kinda... weird, don't you think?"_

 _"Weird how?"_ Eren voice drifts over to Levi's ears, " _They seem pretty normal to me. Just maybe... going through a rough patch, or something."_

_"They don't even spend any fucking time together."_

Eren laughs in agreement, and Jean lies back down with him, still munching.

_"What, are you worried that's going to be us after years of marriage."_

_"No."_

_"I'm sure they're fine, babe. And us too."_

Levi watches Jean sit back up again, stuffing more chips in his mouth. Eren sits up too, his arms around him as he kisses Jean's neck slowly, but Jean just ignores him, chewing away.

_"Doesn't it freak you out though?"_

_"Mm... No."_

Levi watches, enthralled, as Jean finally stops eating and Eren climbs onto his lap. Jean pushes him down, so he lies on his back with his legs still wrapped around Jean's waist, and slides Eren's underwear down his legs. He kisses down his chest and stomach as Eren arches, necklace dangling towards the floor.

Levi hears his own door open and startles, pushing himself quickly away from the hole in the wall, but doesn't have enough time to pull the table in front of it. He looks down at his hands in his lap, heart thudding and trying to look natural. But when Erwin strolls in and looks at him, there's something bright in his eyes, and Levi just knows that he _knows_.

Erwin puts his things down on the table, gaze never leaving the small man on the floor and he asks softly, knowing the answer, "...Were you watching them?"

Levi says nothing, just stares at him with wide, nervous eyes from across the room. He feels guilty, in trouble, like he has been caught doing something bad.

"What were they doing." Erwin approaches him slowly, voice soft, "I ask because I was here the other day. While you were on your walk. There was a hole." Erwin's lips quirk slightly, "And I watched them fucking."

Levi swallows thickly, the sound of his husband swearing so casually doing strange things to his head.

"Does that bother you?" Erwin asks.

Levi looks up at him, eyes still wide and playing with his fingers, before shaking his head minutely.

Levi watches Erwin kneel down in front of the hole, not taking his eyes off Levi. The blond presses his hand against the wall, eyes deep and bright blue, and smiles a bit as he whispers, "Will you watch with me?"

Levi fights a smile, picking at his own fingers, and he watches as Erwin turns his head slowly, peeking in through the hole. He watches his husband, a strange feeling blooming in his chest. _You're watching your husband spy on your neighbors._

Erwin is still for a few long moments, then turns his head back towards Levi and sits down, his back to the wall. He gestures with his head slightly, for Levi to take a look.

Levi bites his lip as he pauses, before inching forward across the floor and resting his back against the wall on the other side of the hole. He holds Erwin's gaze for a moment, then turns his body and peeks through.

Levi sees Eren still on Jean's lap. He is bouncing up and down, his legs wrapped around Jean's hips, and Levi hears him moan low in his throat, arching his back.

Levi pulls his eyes away from the scene, leaning back against the wall and looking over to his husband again. Erwin is looking at him, something in his eyes, then cranes his head down for his turn at a peek. Levi watches him, glancing at the muscle of his husband's neck, the line of his prominent jawline. He stares at Erwin's eyes, the flicker of his blond eyelashes, those bright blue irises as they follow whatever is happening on the other side of the wall.

The moment passes and Erwin looks back at Levi, eyes smiling, and Levi nibbles his lip, fighting against his own lips quirking up. It's his turn again.

Jean is on top of Eren now, pulling his long legs up his hips, _"I'm topping for all of today, okay,"_ Jean says in quiet German, leaning down to kiss him, and Eren laughs, a muffled sound between their lips.

Levi drags his eyes away, looking back up at Erwin next to him. He finds it hard to breathe when he sees the blond watching him, his eyes so deep, heated and such a radiant blue.

The cheeky smile they share in the next moment is small, but it is a smile all the same, and the empty room around them rings with it.

 

 

 

They peer through the hole in the wall together all through the afternoon, and it is already night before they realize. Instead of sitting at their table, they sit on either side of the hole, a blanket laid out beneath them.

Erwin pours two glasses of wine, handing one over to Levi, and they clink them together softly in cheers. They take a sip, when the hole suddenly goes dark. The neighbors had turned off their light, going to sleep for the night.

Levi and Erwin look over at each other, and Levi sips at his glass. Erwin is just looking at him, his gaze so thick with something he can't place, and Levi lowers his eyes to the ground shyly, hiding behind his glass. His eyes creep slowly back up to his husband's face, the blue eyes that have never left his form, and just breathes.

He thinks about Jean and Eren, fucking each other on the other side of the thin wall they lean against. He thinks about his husband in front of him, the feel of his hair, the roughness of stubble on his jaw. He thinks about the hard muscle beneath his shirt, the blue of his eyes, the touch he hasn't felt in months. He's dirty, and broken, but he wants so much.

Levi's eyes glitter, dark with something deep and beautiful as he murmurs, voice like a whisper, "Do you want to take a shower?"

Erwin is lost, found, broken and put back together again, all in that one moment, and says, "Yes."

 

 

 

Erwin takes him from behind in the shower. Levi's bare feet are on top of Erwin's larger ones, toes slipping with every thrust of his husband's hips. He sobs, breath hitching as his hands press to the wall in front of him, slipping down the tiles. The spray of water is hot, flushing Levi's pale skin a rosy pink, and Erwin's large fingers twist at an even rosier nipple.

He gasps wetly, hair plastered to his face as Erwin presses up into his prostate, and Levi gasps out an _'oh'_ , thighs shaking uncontrollably. Erwin pauses at the sound Levi makes, and Levi feels himself flush with embarrassment, before Erwin adjusts his grip on Levi's hips and grinds up again, over and over and over into that sensitive little button. Levi hears himself squeak again, leg twitching like a dog in heat with every rub against his prostate, and can't breathe, _it feels so good_ , he thinks he might be _dying_.

Erwin lifts up one of Levi's legs by his thigh, spreading him wantonly, his thick cock sinking deeper, and Levi makes a choked sound, the water spraying from above their heads disguising the hot tears soaking his cheeks.

There is a tremendous pressure on his prostate, so hard that Levi almost thinks he might wet himself, but it feels good, _so fucking good_ , and he reaches a hand up to wrap around Erwin's neck behind him, tilting his neck towards him.

Erwin thrusts his hips so roughly and Levi _squeals_ , his cock bouncing and spurting so hard that it hurts - the first orgasm he has had in months - and he chokes on an _I love you_ in Erwin's ear.

Erwin comes inside hotly, groaning low in his throat, and Levi's legs tremble and give out beneath him. Erwin catches him, Levi's small cock still twitching and spurting weakly between his thighs, and they curl up on the floor of the shower. They clutch at each other beneath the hot spray of water, Erwin stroking his hair as Levi just sobs Erwin's name, over and over, like a prayer on his lips.

 

 

 

They wake up slowly and quietly the next morning, sunlight filtering through the curtains. Erwin plays with Levi's fingers, with the wedding band there, and Levi blinks at him, just watches him do it.

"Do you watch them in the morning?" Erwin whispers, referring to Jean and Eren. "When I'm gone?"

"Sometimes," Levi murmurs, and his husband laughs breathily. They lie naked and wrapped in the white sheets, wrapped in each other.

"I think I might stay here today. Is that alright? Would you rather be alone?" Erwin's hushed tone is gentle, and he's fingering Levi's wedding band still.

"No," Levi says, and means it. He wants to lie here forever, drowning in the sheets, drowning in Erwin. He's broken and aged, but Erwin makes him feel like it doesn't matter, until he almost believes it.

There is a long, warm silence, until Erwin whispers, "Levi..."

Levi looks up, into dazzling blue.

"...I think we're perverts."

Levi snorts, covering his face with the sheet, "Shut up." He is embarrassed but he doesn't deny it. Instead he whispers, "Does that bother you?"

"No," Erwin whispers back, eyes shining something radiant.

They stare at each other, and Erwin leans in, until they can feel the warmth of each other's breath on their lips. He sees Levi's eyes drop to his mouth, then back to his eyes, and he leans in until their lips are brushing. But Levi jerks away at the very last moment, something helpless and breakable in his eyes. He looks like he wants to apologize, but Erwin just shakes his head and whispers _it's okay_. He kisses Levi's bare shoulder instead, eyes closing as he breathes out softly against his skin. _It's okay_ , he whispers again, because he loves Levi all the same.

 

 

 

Levi walks down to the store to pick up some breakfast for them. He sees Eren's back walking ahead of him, and follows him towards the little corner shop.

"Oh, hey, neighbor," Eren perks up at him inside the store.

It is a strange feeling. He had watched the young man having sex yesterday, and now Levi is standing here talking to him, acting like he hadn't seen everything. Hadn't watched with his husband and gotten hard.

"Morning," he nods.

"We're celebrating two months today," Eren grins, holding up a bottle, "I'm thinking... berries and cream? Or is that too cliche? Maybe port? No fucking idea."

"...I guess it's the thought," Levi says.

"Yeah, you're right," Eren is still smiling, but the sight doesn't make Levi ache as much as it did before. "When's yours?"

Levi is looking down at the labels in front of him, his mind drawing a momentary blank that makes him panic, before stating curtly, "Winter."

"Nice," Eren says, green eyes bright, but Levi is not listening.

 

 

 

When he comes back to the room, Erwin is sitting on the floor, back against the wall next to their peephole and leg crossed over the other. "Were you with him?"

"He was at the store." Levi sets his bags on the table and starts unpacking them, saying in an amused tone, "It's their fucking _anniversary_."

"Aah," Erwin says, as if he's understood something.

Levi pauses, something rising in his chest, suddenly asking, "When's ours?"

"November. The end of November."

"Yeah." Levi looks over to Erwin, biting his lip, "What day?"

"Twenty-seven, or, twenty-..." Erwin trails off, leaning his head back against the wall. He shakes his head minutely, saying softly, "I can't remember."

"I can't either," Levi whispers, and it's the truth; he had tried to remember back at the store and couldn't, and he still couldn't now. He feels a lump in his throat, a weight in his chest. _What had they become, when they couldn't even remember their anniversary anymore?_

"Lee?"

He swallows thickly, "Mm?"

"It doesn't mean anything." Erwin is looking at him with such gentle eyes, like he knows what Levi is thinking, "It doesn't matter that we can't remember." Levi looks over to him, but he can't see the blond well through the blur. "Okay?"

Levi nods, looking back down at the food he had bought. He blinks rapidly, pushing it all away, before picking up their breakfast and walking over.

"They had fresh bread," he says, and hands Erwin the bag with a newspaper. He sits down next to him, takes out their breakfast, and watches his husband read.

 

 

 

Later that night, they lay their dinner and drinks out on the floor in front of them as they peer through the hole in the wall. They watch as Jean sets bowls of snacks at the foot of his and Eren's bed, stealing chips as he does it. They watch as Eren comes in, wrapping his bare arms around Jean's shoulders from behind and kissing him.

_"Babe, you are too good at this..."_

_"I know, fuck. I'm turning into a housewife. Holy fuck."_

Their eyes follow as Eren pulls a small wrapped box from the drawer, singing, _"Look what I got..."_ and Levi suddenly snorts with laughter, looking away quickly as he tries not to spill his wine. His giggles are contagious, because suddenly Erwin is snickering too, trying to mute the sound with his hand. They don't know why, but the situation amuses them.

The boys next door are so young, so naive. Buying gifts for each other, celebrating two months of marriage, as if it were important; like two months meant something. They are so young, they don't understand that two months means absolutely nothing. Not when you've shared your entire life with someone, like Erwin and Levi had. Not when you've been with someone for so long, that you've grown to hate them just as much as you love them.

Levi puts a hand over the hole to prevent their laughter from travelling, choking on his wine and making Erwin snort loudly. This just makes it worse, and Levi's shoulders shake uncontrollably. He turns away from Erwin; he can't look at him, his face just makes him laugh harder.

They share the hole comfortably, and watch as Jean opens the box, pulling out a large vibrator with a rounded end. Erwin and Levi share a wide-eyed look, their mouths an 'o' shape as their shoulders shake.

 _"Holy shit. You want me to use this on you?"_ Jean says from his reclining position on the bed. Eren doesn't say anything, just climbs over him to lie down on his back, sliding his own underwear down his hips until he is completely naked, except for the key around his neck.

Jean slides in next to him on his side, smoothing his hand over Eren's chest and leaning down to kiss him. They can see Eren's cock from here, half-hard between his thighs. They can hear the young couple kissing, the sound wet and slow and breathy, and Levi's gaze travels over their tanned bodies spread out over their bed. _I wish I were that young._ Their bodies are thin, hard with muscle, and Levi notices that Jean's belly-button is pierced, too, just like Eren. They are matching, he realizes, the silver glinting identically.

Jean looks at the vibrator in his hands, studying the switches, before switching it on to the lowest setting, and he stares at it in awe as it turns on. He presses the head cautiously to Eren's nipple, circling it slowly, and they watch as Eren lets out a breathy laugh. Jean glides the toy over to his other nipple, and they watch Eren rub his thighs together, his dick hardening slowly, lifting up towards his stomach. Jean seems to be fascinated by the way Eren's nipples perk under the soft vibrations, just circling them slowly, over and over, until Eren slaps him on the arm, whining in German, _"Hurry up, asshole."_

They watch as Jean obeys, smoothing the vibrator from Eren's chest, slowly down his stomach towards the place between his legs; his erection perking up in anticipation. Levi's eyes drop to the tip glinting wetly as Jean presses the vibrator into the patch of trimmed hair above Eren's cock, and he hears Eren whine, hips shifting. Jean whispers something in Eren's ear, too quiet for them to hear, then starts circling the head of the toy around Eren's cock. Down and over the base, up and around again, and they watch as Eren spreads his legs wide, moaning.

His hips thrust up into the vibrations, and the soft _vrrrrrrrrrr_ sound travels through the hole and into Erwin and Levi's ears. They watch as Eren clutches at Jean's arm, as Jean glides the vibrator down, down over Eren's balls, to the sensitive skin underneath. He holds it there for a moment, sliding back up again, and Levi can hear Eren gasping, his hips twitching and toes curling, and he feels his own cock twitch a bit inside his pants. _It looks like it feels good_ , and he imagines what it would feel like, vibrations rocking his core all the way inside.

Levi sneaks a subtle glance over at Erwin, his breath catching in his throat when he sees that the blond is looking at _him_ , his irises such a dark, dark blue. He feels himself twitch again, his breathing heavy, and hears his heart thud loudly in his ears. But when he hears Eren whimper muffledly, he quickly looks back through the hole.

Eren is grasping at Jean's arm, legs spread wide open and toes curling against the sheets as Jean holds the toy against his cock, running it up and down the length of it slowly, then back down to his balls again, making small circles. Eren is completely erect, flushed dark and leaking pre-come onto his flat stomach, and his legs twitch uncontrollably.

Levi rubs his thighs together, his cock feeling heavy and aching, and he feels like he can't breathe. Jean suddenly switches the toy up a notch higher, pressing it hard into the base of his cock, and Eren lets out a squealing gasp, spurting white ribbons all over himself. He slumps back against the covers, panting. Levi watches, head spinning and filled with heat, as Eren tries to wriggle away from Jean, because he hasn't taken the vibrator away, is just holding it there in the same place at the base of his cock. His hips are shuddering as he stutters something in German, to _s-s-stop, jean... I-I-c-cAN'T..._

Jean just whispers something, pressing the vibrator in, switching it up another notch, and Eren's lower half convulses, spilling more white up his stomach, and he hears Eren sob wetly. Levi wonders what it would feel like, being torn apart with pleasure at your lover's hand, and although he watches the young men next door, in his heart he sees radiant blue.

Jean is throbbing and rock-hard, and he drops the vibrator to the floor as he climbs on top of Eren, rubbing their cocks together as they kiss wetly, tangling tongues. They can hear how sensitive Eren is, because he's sobbing in pleasure as Jean just rubs against him, thrusting his hips over and over.

Levi aches inside his underwear, breathing hard, and he looks over to Erwin beside him with lidded eyes. He leans his head against the wall with a soft _thud_ , watches him from beneath his eyelashes. The neighbors' moaning echoes through the wall and his mind swims, the soft _vrrrrrrrr_ ringing in his ears. His gaze drops slowly to the front of Erwin's pants, and he sees the bulge there, straining against the fabric. He breathes out through his mouth, feels his own cock strain painfully, and swallows thickly as his eyes flutter closed. He listens to the neighbors' sex, the sound muffled as it fades, until all he can hear is Erwin's breathing, imprinted and burning hot inside his mind.

 

 

 

Erwin sits at his desk to write instead of going to the bar. The words are coming out easier than before, but he still feels frustrated, unable to write the way he wants. He glances over at the balcony, at Levi standing there, and pauses. He can't stop the smile that spreads across his face, and he leans his head in his hand.

Levi is stretching his body - still the body of a dancer - out there in the sun, baring his neck to the warmth. He reminds Erwin of a cat, his form stretching lithely, clothes raising to reveal pale skin. _He mewls like a kitten, too_ , Erwin thinks, remembering the sounds his husband makes beneath their sheets, and he smiles.

It is then that he notices that Levi has begun talking to someone - sees the reflection of Eren, standing on his own balcony, shirt open and leaning over the railing. Erwin frowns, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, and he watches as Levi turns around, a smile on his face, and comes back inside.

"What did he want," Erwin asks lowly, and Levi comes to sit on the edge of his desk.

"Who?"

_"Eren."_

"He wanted me to give him an idea for dinner."

Erwin looks at his husband's face for a moment, before saying lightly, "You're lying."

Levi's lips quirk up in amusement, and drawls, "...He asked me for a cigarette. I started smoking when we got here. You were here so I told him I had run out."

Erwin is mutedly surprised and amused all at once, "I know you started smoking."

"You did?"

Erwin doesn't know why Levi would ask that, "Of course, Levi. I _know_ you."

Levi just smiles at him, because he doesn't know why he asked that either.

 

 

 

He sees Levi out on the balcony again the next day when he comes back to the room. He sees him talking to Eren again, smiling and laughing. He sees him reach out his hand, and touch the tattoos on Eren's chest, on his arms, sees him trailing his fingers lightly.

Erwin feels the anger rise inside him, feels his jaw clench, and he sits at his desk and watches. Eren laughs, and Erwin knows it doesn't mean anything to the boy; he's just showing someone the tattoos he is so proud of. But he hopes it means nothing to Levi; wishes he could believe it is meaningless.

He snaps when he comes back again the next day to an empty room. Something urges him to peek through the hole in the wall, and when he does, he sees Levi sitting with Jean at the table, playing cards and smoking. Levi laughs, blowing smoke out into Jean's face in a way that could only be sensual, and Erwin grits his teeth.

When Levi comes back to the room, closing the door behind him, he looks surprised to see his husband there. "You're home early."

Erwin stands in the middle of the room, eyes hard, and just nods, "Mm-hmm."

There's something in Levi's expression, like he knows he's done something. "Do you want a drink?"

"I didn't know you liked cards so much," Erwin ignores him, and Levi looks up at him, surprised. He continues, tone low and dangerous, "That's nice. Cards are fun."

Levi stares, and asks again in that voice, oh-so-innocent, "Do you want a drink?"

"No." Erwin walks towards him slowly, "No, I don't want a fucking drink, Levi." He comes up close until Levi is looking up at him, "I want to know what this is. Do you want to hurt me?"

Levi shakes his head, staring into him, "No..."

"Hurt me," Erwin says lightly, as if he were just saying _hello._

Levi's voice is a whisper, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Just do it, Levi. Hurt me," Erwin gestures towards his face, for Levi to hit him.

Levi shakes his head, taking a step back, but Erwin follows him.

"Get it over with, Levi," Erwin grabs his hand and uses it to hit himself.

Levi flinches, ripping his hand away, " _No_. I would never... want to hurt you."

He's backing away, but Erwin just keeps stepping towards him.

"It's alright," he says, using Levi's hand again to slap him.

 _"Stop."_ Levi flinches away, eyes wide, but Erwin keeps grabbing at his wrists, using Levi's hands to hurt himself.

He's so angry, can't stand his own pathetic jealousy, can't stand that fucking _look_ in Levi's eyes. Levi hates himself, wants to destroy others' happiness because he himself is unhappy, and Erwin can't stand that in him.

_"Do it!"_

"I don't want to fucking hurt you!" Levi's voice is hoarse, arms up in front of him and swiping at the blond, trying to push him away, but Erwin just backs him up against the wall, caging him in.

"You're jealous of them. You hate yourself and you hate loving me."

 _"Stop it,"_ Levi tries to turn away, but Erwin just slams him hard against the wall, shaking him roughly.

 _"Tell me the truth!_  You want what they have. Admit it!"

 _"Stop it, Erwin!"_ his voice breaks, swiping at Erwin with his nails.

"Admit that you're jealous!"

_"Stop!"_

_"SAY IT!"_

"Stop it! _Stop! STOP!_ " he sobs, desperate tears running down his cheeks. His limbs press into Erwin's chest weakly, hands in claws as he tries to scratch at him, but Erwin just slams him back into the wall again. _Say it._

Levi makes a broken, wet sound, like a dying animal, but Erwin just holds him there forcefully, pressed against the wall. His chest rises and falls heavily as he waits, listens to Levi pant in desperation. He searches his face; watches it scrunch up with emotion, watches as his head lolls towards the floor, letting out a hitching sob.

" _...I'm jealous!"_ he whimpers, wet tears dripping from his face to the floor, voice shaking with defeat. He looks so small, so breakable, so _perfect_ , and Erwin feels his chest ache, releasing him from against the wall and watching Levi slump forward, shoulders trembling. He takes the smaller man's head in his hands, pain in his eyes as he kisses his hair, and Levi sobs and lets him; lets his husband pull him against his chest.

Erwin whispers to him that he loves him, that he's sorry and that he's beautiful, and means every word.

 

 

 

Later, while Levi is soaking in the bathtub, Erwin comes in quietly and sits at the chair near his head, a cigarette in one hand. Levi opens his eyes and looks at him, and Erwin gazes back.

"You look beautiful like that," Erwin says, and Levi just stares at him, expression unreadable. "It's difficult, because it makes me want to be with you. And I know how hard it is for you to be with me." He pauses, "But don't begin to believe those boys see you any differently than I do."

Levi's eyes widen minutely, "Of course they do," he whispers, like it is the most obvious thing in the world, "They don't know me."

"Is that what you want? To be unknown by someone?"

 _"No,"_ Levi says, and means it. He is still broken, still hates himself. He wishes he were young again, still allowed to dance. He wishes to have what Jean and Eren have; youth and naivety, no hate for the one they love. But Erwin knows him, scars and all. Erwin knows him and hates him back, but loves him even more. _"I want you."_

Erwin climbs into the tub with him, still fully dressed, and fucks him right there in the water, his clothes soaking through. He slides his rough fingers over Levi's rosy nipples, down between his thighs, and watches his husband's head roll back, mouth open in a loud moan.

He pushes Levi's bare legs up to hook over his shoulders, sinks his cock inside Levi's warmth, and Levi clutches at his wet shirt, whining low in his throat. The water sloshes roughly as Erwin bounces him, rocking back and forth, and his shirt goes translucent, his clothes weighing him down. He grinds hard into Levi's prostate, watching his legs twitch and his teeth chatter, and rubs at the jutting cock between their bodies until Levi whimpers and spills into the water.

Erwin gets lost in his husband's warmth, pressing his hips in deep, and when he comes he groans Levi's name into his neck. They lie there in the water afterwards with Levi stroking his cheek, and they stare into each other's eyes until the water goes cold around them.

 

 

 

They sit on the balcony, side by side, staring out onto the water.

"That fisherman..." Levi says, watching the tiny boat row out to the open sea, "He goes out every fucking day. Comes back every night; hardly ever catches any fish." Erwin listens to his voice, soft and low, "What keeps him from going insane? From being so... fucking tired of it all. What is it we don't know?"

Erwin looks at him from behind his sunglasses, searching his face, and he sighs before saying gently, "Let's go to the cafe for a drink, darling."

Levi sips at his glass, unbothered that Erwin didn't have an answer for him. "Mm... nah."

Erwin tilts his head, watching his husband's reaction, and says instead, "Then how about we invite our neighbors. Get them liquored up. See what they do when they're drunk."

He knows he's said the right thing, and he laughs, because Levi looks over at him curiously, fighting the smile that forms around the rim of his glass.

 

 

 

It is dark when they stroll into the cafe and bar, dressed in slimming Italian three-piece suits.

 _"Is it possible? He is here!"_ Pixis exclaims, wiping a glass from behind the counter. He is smiling at Levi when he gestures with his chin towards Erwin, _"We have missed you."_

Erwin throws Pixis an embarrassed smile, and Levi blinks slowly, surprised.

 _"You don't... know me, though,"_ Levi replies slowly in German, seating himself on the bar stool.

 _"No, I only know your very lonely husband,"_ Pixis smiles, gesturing to Erwin, _"It is not easy to watch a man eat alone every night and not start to worry and wonder. So I am very happy to see you."_

Levi watches his husband next to him, as Erwin looks sheepishly down at his hands. He feels warmth in his chest and looks back to Pixis with a small smile, _"I'm... glad to be here."_

Erwin settles on his stool, and asks Levi in English, "What would you like?"

"Uh... I heard... _Berentzen Apfelkorn?"_ Levi glances over at Pixis, who nods, and Erwin gazes at the small man seated next to him, utterly enthralled, and orders two. 

 

 

  
Eren and Jean greet them from behind, looking handsome and young in their dress-shirts and vests, and they all sit down together at a table in the busy cafe. Levi sits next to Erwin and across from Eren, who is lighting a cigarette, and feels the familiar twang of jealousy. But it's muted and fades away easily, when he feels Erwin's eyes on him.

"This is Levi's first experience with schnapps," Erwin says, and Jean and Eren both make surprised noises.

"What d'you think of it?" Jean asks in his accented English.

"Well... I had two. So..." his lips quirk, "I think you should probably have two as well."

" _No_ ," Eren laughs. "We're never doing _that_ again."

There is a story behind that reaction, and it gets told, but they order four schnapps in the end all the same. They clink their glasses together in cheers, _prost!_ , and Jean makes a face as he swallows.

"Levi tells us you're a writer?" Eren takes a drag of his cigarette.

Erwin laughs, "Some days."

"That's great! I wish I could write," Eren says, and Jean laughs loudly at him, because the thought of Eren writing is hilarious.

"I do, too, lately," Erwin smiles, and Levi feels a twang in his chest as he glances at him softly.

They order more schnapps, clinking their glasses, and Erwin and Levi throw cheeky smiles at each other as they watch Jean and Eren's cheeks flush with alcohol. _So young, so inexperienced._

"What do you do, Levi?"

Levi leans back in his chair, cradling his glass, "Absolutely nothing." The young men laugh, and Levi smiles, swirling his drink around his glass, "But I used to be a dancer."

"Woah," both Jean and Eren say in unison, and they're babbling enthusiastically, amazed by the writer-dancer combination.

"He's a husband, now," Erwin smiles, an arm around the back of Levi's chair and a cigarette between his lips.

Levi leans back, stating, "Yeah, but I'm not very good at that."

Erwin's tone sounds so genuine, as if they were alone, when he tells him, "That's not true. You're a fantastic husband." Both Jean and Eren are smiling into their drink and cigarette embarrassedly, and Erwin smiles, "He's the best little homemaker in the world." Levi looks at him in that certain way, arms crossed, so he says, still smiling, "What, not funny?"

The boys are laughing, and Jean asks curiously, "Why did you stop?"

Levi pauses, looking up at him before taking a sip of his drink. His tone is bitter when he states, "Because I got old." He raises his glass to his lips again, ignoring the silence that follows.

"But still hot," Jean blurts, and Eren is nodding in a way that spoke of not even being aware he is doing it.

The night goes on, and they order more schnapps, and if Eren and Jean are snorting with laughter a bit louder than usual, then that can only be accredited to the older couple across from them, sending amused looks at each other from behind their glasses.

 

 

 

As soon as they get through the door and back into their room, Levi is crossing the floor and down by the hole in the wall, peeking through. He watches as Jean and Eren stumble into their room drunkenly, one of them tripping and swearing at the other in their native tongue.

Erwin sits down beside him and pours two glasses of wine, the liquid glugging noisily, and Levi sends the blond a slightly annoyed look, slapping his hand over the hole. Erwin makes an apologetic face, passing one of the glasses over to him.

Jean is holding his head as he sits on the edge of their bed, and Eren tries to kiss him but keeps getting pushed away, swaying on his feet. He mumbles something in annoyance as he's pushed away again, and Jean starts pulling his shoes off drunkenly, trying to pull off the rest of his clothes. They hear Eren strum a guitar, and Jean swears at him, blocking his ears.

Jean lies down, only half-undressed but given up on the rest of his clothes, and Eren flops down next to him. They hear them mumbling something drunkenly to each other, but it's too soft and muffled to hear.

Levi purses his lips, meeting Erwin's eyes, and they sigh disappointedly.

"Well, now we know," Erwin whispers, smiling, "They're miserable drunks."

Levi laughs breathily into his glass and looks at his husband, and Erwin stares back, leaning his head back against the wall. They gaze at each other for a long moment, and Levi feels that familiar warmth in his chest, breathing out softly.

Erwin watches him as he slowly reaches a hand out, his fingertips stretching out to touch Erwin's knee, so softly, like it is barely there at all. The blond's eyes flicker with something, but he doesn't move, just keeps his eyes on the smaller man, watching his face.

Levi's fingers brush him as he trails his hand up slowly, up Erwin's thigh. They slide up, and up, following the seam of his pants, until they reach the slight bulge resting between his legs. His fingers stop, barely touching, just the tiniest of caresses, and Erwin shifts slightly but doesn't move. Levi presses, curls his small fingers around him; grasps him through his slacks, and he watches as the blond's eyelashes flutter closed, hears him breathe out through his nose.

He is warm in Levi's hand - large and heavy - and he squeezes him through the fabric, feeling him harden minutely in his hand. He feels his own cock perk up inside his underwear as he kneads the heel of his hand, and his husband moans deep in his throat, the masculine sound sending a shock of sharp arousal spiking through Levi's groin.

Levi clenches his teeth, and he palms himself through his slacks with his free hand reflexively, not even aware he is doing it. He is not sure how Erwin had known - perhaps he had sensed it - but the blond snaps his eyes open, dropping them to watch Levi touching himself, then back up to meet Levi's eyes. Levi's breath catches in his throat, eyes wide and feeling self-conscious, but he rubs them both in tandem; watches Erwin groan, eyes so blue and dark with lust. Levi breathes out heavily through his nose as he touches himself, and Erwin's breath intakes sharply, his hips pushing up into Levi's hand. He is staring at Levi as he does it, looking right into him, and Levi hears himself whimper - he is so turned on that he thinks he might come in his pants. He breathes sharply, ripping both of his hands away, and they are both panting into the darkness of their room as Erwin looks at him questioningly, his eyes asking him _what's wrong._

Levi swallows, then whispers, "I bought something today. With the groceries." His words meld into the space between them, and he sees Erwin perk up curiously, blinking at him as he waits for the smaller man to continue. Levi pauses, looking down at the floor as he swallows thickly again, before pushing himself to his feet and walking over to his side of the bed. He feels aching and heavy in his underwear still as he reaches into the drawer, pulling out a rectangular box. He brings it back over to his husband, steps quiet and unsure, and he hands it over to Erwin hesitantly, not saying a word.

Erwin takes the box, just staring up at Levi for a moment, before looking down at it in his hands. He opens it, pulling out the object inside and his mouth goes dry, blinking down at it in slow recognition. It is a long vibrator with a rounded head, identical to the one Eren and Jean had used.

Erwin's mouth is half-open when he looks back up at Levi from his place on the floor - the smaller man fidgeting nervously and wringing his hands - and smiles, eyes twinkling.

 

 

  
Levi lies spread open in front of him, thighs wide apart and trembling. His skin is so pale, so beautiful, and Erwin leans down and kisses him all over; sucks bright red marks into his skin to make Levi arch sensually against the sheets.

Erwin sits back on his haunches - Levi's legs spread on either side of him - and he switches the vibrator on to the lowest setting. It whirs softly, and he glances to Levi's face, inky-hair fanning out around his head angelically. There's a look in his eyes as he sees him eye the vibrator, then Erwin - gazing up at him. _He's so lovely_ , Erwin thinks, and knows immediately where Levi wants him to start.

He presses the vibrator to Levi's chest, circles his pink nipple slowly; watches as it pebbles and he gasps, watches as his dark eyelashes flutter closed. He glides the whirring head over to his other nipple, mimicking the motions until both nipples are peaked and rosy and Levi is sighing into his pillow. He glides the toy slowly down Levi's toned stomach, watching his skin quiver beneath the soft pulsing.

Levi thrusts his hips up when Erwin reaches the dark patch of neat hair at his groin, and he presses the buzzing toy into it. Levi moans, hips arching off the bed and undulating slowly, and Erwin watches as he presses his arms against his eyes, covering his face as he moans into them.

He glides the vibrator down, down around his jutting cock and down to his balls, circling them slowly. Levi's breath hitches and his hips keep circling in the air - he doesn't even realize he's doing it - pushing his thin hips upwards and into the sensation. The soft _vrrrrrrr_ echoes through their room as Erwin licks his lips, watching Levi's cock perk up, and up, until it's curving straight up against his muscled stomach. His throat feels dry when he sees the flushed tip release a string of clear pre-come, and without even thinking he leans down to take the tip into his mouth. Levi takes a hiccuping breath, tearing his arms away from his face to look down at him in surprise, his eyes out-of-focus.

Erwin meets his eyes from beneath his blond eyelashes, sucking softly and tasting salt on his tongue, and presses the vibrator in against the skin between Levi's balls and puckered hole, making small circles. Levi's toes curl delicately as he mewls, and Erwin tastes him release more pre-come, pulling his lips away from the small cock with a wet _pop_. It bobs roughly, looking redder than before and smacking against Levi's stomach wetly, and he hears Levi choke on a sob.

He slides the vibrator back up his balls, and Levi spreads his legs wider, pushing up into the pleasure. Erwin presses in against the base of his erection, applying pressure, and the smaller man whimpers as he slides it up, up to his flushed tip, _so wet_ , then down again to the base, pressing down. Levi is crying, he realizes, moaning wetly into the pillow and his thighs shudder, hips moving without realizing; spread wide apart and flushed all over.

Erwin doesn't think, just whispers lowly, so aroused, " _You're such a little slut_." Levi blushes all over at the filthy words, tears soaking his cheeks as he looks like he wants to protest. But Erwin doesn't let him, just flips the switch up - not one notch, but two - on the vibrator, pressing it into the base of his little cock.

Levi lets out an excited squeal, hips arching and shuddering up off the bed; his cock twitching wildly and spurting white up Levi's stomach, hitting him in the chin. Another spurt, and another, entire body convulsing uncontrollably as Erwin holds the vibrator against him. His mouth is open as he gasps, voice breaking in his throat as his orgasm hits him too hard, slumping back against the covers.

Erwin breathes out, aroused; _he had come so much_ , white streaks across his stomach and chest, and he is about to take the vibrator away, when Levi grasps his wrist with trembling fingers. He is sobbing from such an intense orgasm, twitching with after-shocks, and whispers in a voice so broken, " _Do it again." Just like the boys next door._ Erwin hears the words that go unsaid; knows what his beloved wants.

Levi hates himself, wishes he were young so he could still dance, wants to be happy, to be loved, to have what Eren and Jean have. Erwin sees it in his eyes, in his face; broken apart and wet with tears, trembling and twitching because the pleasure is too much. He wants to tell him how desirable he is, that he would give him anything; he loves him the way he is - aged and broken, fragile and dirty, _just like him_. But he obliges his small husband wordlessly - his beautiful, broken everything - and switches the vibrator up to the highest it can go.

And when Levi makes this sound - so erotic, like he is dying a beautiful death - and pees himself from over-stimulation with a desperate, whining, _broken_ gasp, Erwin comes onto the sheets in front of him without even touching himself.

Erwin knows that in French there is an expression they have to describe an orgasm: _la petite mort_. And as he lies in bed afterwards with Levi's nose pressed to his collarbone, hand stroking through his hair, he thinks to himself, _how fitting that is._

Because being with Levi feels exactly like dying - like killing each other, over and over - only to be brought back to life together, again and again.

 

 

 

They go for a drive the following day. They drive aimlessly in comfortable silence, and visit a church at Levi's request, and Erwin stands at the back and watches Levi kneel and pray. On the way back, Erwin makes a stop-over, getting out and handing his keys to the valet.

Levi looks around suspiciously, "Where are we?"

"I'm taking you to dinner," Erwin tells him, leading them inside.

"I'm not dressed for dinner."

Erwin doesn't reply, and just smiles.

The waitor leads them to a cozy two-seater table. The restaurant is fancy, expensive looking - like everything else Erwin does - and there is a quartet playing live on the stage; a dance floor in the middle of the restaurant. They order their food and wine, and as the two of them eat, Erwin watches Levi nibble on his food. He notices the way Levi keeps glancing up towards the dance floor, the way he watches the couples dancing across it to a smooth waltz.

Erwin follows his gaze and looks behind him at the couples, taking a sip of his wine. He looks back at Levi again, a smile on his face, and Levi jumps like he has been caught, looking quickly back at his plate of food. _He's so lovely_ , Erwin thinks, but instead says, "Dance with me," because that is the real reason he brought Levi here, to this restaurant.

Levi looks up at him incredulously, as if he has never heard anything more ridiculous. But Erwin is undeterred, putting his napkin on the table and standing up. Levi's eyes go wide, looking around him as if the whole world is watching, as Erwin comes to his side. He holds out a hand for his husband to take, but Levi just whispers furiously, "What are you doing?! They're all man-woman couples!"

Erwin doesn't reply, his smile just grows as he keeps his hand extended out towards Levi. The smaller man's mouth opens and closes like a fish, blinking at him. Erwin shows his teeth as he smiles, and it must look like a challenge, because Levi practically throws his napkin down, taking his husband by the hand and pushing up from his seat.

Erwin leads them towards the dance floor, ignoring the curious glances from the other diners. He guides Levi's hand to his shoulder and begins to sway. Levi's movements are small, his head lowered to the floor in embarrassment; trying not to stand out. They are the only same-sex couple dancing, and people stare at them from their tables; under-dressed and out of place. But Erwin doesn't care.

He sways his small husband back and forth, extending his arm and twirling him, and Levi looks at him fiercely, as if to tell him to _stop drawing attention to them_. But as the music plays, Levi's steps grow surer, his posture straightening. Erwin looks down at his husband with a fondness in his eyes, the noise of the restaurant fading around him, until all he can hear is the music; all he can see is Levi, and the tiny smile growing on the smaller man's lips.

They waltz across the dance floor, spinning and twirling, and Levi is smiling up at him, a brightness in his eyes that Erwin remembers from the days when Levi still danced. He gazes at his husband, something blooming in his chest.

He stops in the middle of the dance floor, the other couples dancing around them where they stand, and Levi's face drops in confusion. Erwin is so overcome with emotion, head a mess of words he wants to say, but doesn't say any of them. Instead, his body moves for itself as he takes Levi's head in his hands. His husband blinks up at him, and there is months worth of longing in him as he leans down and presses their lips together, long and deep.

Levi freezes in his hands, his body stiff, because they hadn't kissed like this in so long. But the moment passes, and Erwin feels like crying, _he's so in love_ , when he feels his husband of fourteen years kiss him back.

It tastes like wine, like their dinner, and like fourteen years of hate and bitterness. But it also tastes like sunshine, like the calm after a storm, and like fourteen years of sweet devotion and helpless, desperate love. Even if in another life, they were at war with people dying around them, they knew they would love each other all the same. In a way that made them furious, made them breathless and made them beautiful. They are broken, cracked like glass, filthy and aged, but so horribly, imperfectly made for each other that way.

The other couples dance awkwardly around them, staring with open mouths at the weird gay couple - under-dressed and making out in the middle of the dance floor. Someone starts wolf-whistling in the background, and a few voices join in with cheering, but Erwin and Levi can't hear them at all; so immersed they are in the taste of each other's lips.

 

 

 

Erwin finishes writing his book.

It is a story of hardships, love and growing old.

He figures out the fisherman that Levi asked him about, and writes about it on the opening page.

The fisherman goes with the tide.  
You can either let it pull you out to sea, or you let it guide you back in.  
Sometimes, you have to move with it.  
Sometimes, that is all you can do.

On a whim, he asks what novel Levi had been reading since they got here, and Levi has such an embarrassed look on his face, that it makes Erwin frown. Levi hands him the novel wordlessly, and the blond is surprised when he sees that it is one of _his_ books - wearing a sleeve to disguise the cover. He looks over at his small husband - who refuses to look at him - and asks Levi if he can name his new book after him.

 

 

 

They leave the hotel the next day.

They run into Eren and Jean on the way out, and chat for a little while. It feels surreal that they know so much more about the couple than the couple know about them.

Erwin wonders how the young couple will deal with hardships as their relationship goes on, and hopes for the best for them, but doesn't think much else. He looks over to Levi, who looks utterly disinterested, so they say their goodbyes and leave.

Pixis sees them off, and when Erwin says _thank you for everything_ , the old man seems to understand how much he means it.

 

 

 

They stop at the church again, and renew their wedding vows.

 

 

 

They drive back along the sea coast. Erwin has wound the top of their convertible down; expensive sunglasses perched upon their noses, and wind whipping through their hair wildly. Levi stares out at the ocean, at the rocky coastline, and breathes in the salty air. Erwin is driving one-handed, putting a cigarette between his lips before jabbing at the car's lighter. It's not working for him, and he tuts and rifles through the glove box noisily for a spare one.

Levi eyes his husband's hand in front of him silently, before leaning over in his seat and pressing the tip of his own cigarette against the tip of Erwin's. His husband startles, before relaxing and waiting for Levi to light it, keeping his eyes on the road.

Levi leans back in his seat when he's done, blowing smoke out of his mouth. He rests his hand casually on Erwin's arm, wedding band glinting in the sun, and his husband lets him.

It is not much different to the drive in.

But it is the little things that matter the most.

 

 

_-das Ende.-_

**Author's Note:**

> [Here's my favourite trailer for the film By The Sea](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvCwtQPBhDA) (the film this fic is based on). There's some intense Eruri feelings in this if you picture them as you watch; most of the scenes from the trailer are scattered throughout the fic. Brad Pitt is Erwin, Angelina Jolie is Levi.
> 
> The vibrator I pictured the characters using is one of those massage ones, [here](http://images.shopmadeinchina.com/seller/product/C0AD5816BD84BA04E040007F01003112/598/10827598_7.bak.jpg)
> 
> I have a [stupid tumblr](http://ningen-suki.tumblr.com/) , which I use to post fics or rant about eruri. I don't use it that often, but you know. Sometimes.


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